Blog: Getting In Shape

Written by: Dr. Joel Hunter

Posted on May 24, 2011

This Christmas had its ups and downs for me. Yes, it was 5 months ago, but it is what started the journey to this blog. The “ups” of Christmas this year were time with my family whom I love, getting a new rifle that I will teach Luke to shoot someday, and eating food at a rate of around 1,000 calories per hour. The “down” was realizing that I was in the worst shape of my life. If you look closely, you’ll see that the ups and downs were related.

Somehow over time, I’d come to believe that my body was impervious to tons of eating and no exercise. “I guess I’m just lucky when it comes to my metabolism,” I would say, not noticing that my loved ones would smile politely and avoid eye contact. Well, this Christmas the spell was broken. It happened it two painful incidents.

First, on Christmas morning, I was opening presents from my wonderful (very skinny) wife. As I opened my last large box, I saw what looked to be a folded tent made out of denim. “That’s strange,” I thought. As I hoisted it out of the box, unfolded it, and held it out between my outstretched arms, I realized that it was actually a pair of jeans. Huge, expansive jeans. They were what seemed to be prop jeans from the set of Eddie Murphy’s Nutty Professor. Lizzy said with sincerity, “I didn’t know what size you were so I guessed.” I put them down in despair, and also because my arms were shaking with the strain of holding 10 square yards of denim over my head.

Then, at a Christmas party I was talking with a friend, who is in excellent physical condition, about the jeans and when I used to be in better shape. I showed him a picture from 10 years ago when I was in shape. He refused to believe it was me. Literally, he thought it was photoshopped. Then I insisted it was me. Then, with a confused look as if I’d just told him that I used to be centaur, he said (and I quote), “Well…if this picture really is you, and let me clarify that I don’t think it is, then how far the apple has fallen from the tree.” I wanted to retaliate by telling him that he has a poor grasp of metaphors.

So I started working out again. It takes a long time to undo all my years of relying on good metabolism. But I’m still working at it, and I have started to feel much better. It turns out I felt pretty tired for a lot of years without knowing it. Eventually, I will fit into all those clothes again that are buried deep in my dresser. And when I do, I’m going to go camping in them and use my giant Christmas jeans as a tent.